Except for Morons

One of the rules of Spanish: You can’t go wrong with pronouncing B and V the same way, as b or beh. One takes for granted that the spelling out, like worldwide ham radio operators, US police, military and reporters do, will take care of any transaction.
Beh Viktor, you say for a v. Beh Viktor. B becomes beh Bogata or maybe beh botano.
On Monday, I was at the audiologist’s office. He wasn’t there. I should have called.
I walked in as the secretary, with too much make-up, was filing...her acrylics. She is one of those pitiful creatures whose Mexican boss won’t share his schedule with the help. She is also very concerned about her manicure. But she was cock sure when I made the appointment that she didn’t need a number to call me if there was a change, so she didn't take it. And I was stoopid and didn’t call to confirm before leaving the island.
So my trusted traveling companion, who had other business in Cancun, went up with me just to make sure everything would be OK, on the urging of Carlos, our driver.
The secretary was incredulous. “It would be here if I made it and I would have called,” she said looking at her blank screen. “You would not take my number,” I said calmly. “But it would be here, under you name…what is y our name again?” she went on like this in Spanish.
Vishnevsky. Beh Viktor…eh, eseh ache ( Spanish Language Rule…H is never pronounced), eneh. But could find it in her data base. I never existed.
So, on to making an appointment for the 23rd. “Tu nombre?“ Your name…
Vishnevsky. Beh Viktor….at which point she types B. All this at the time reminding me of a Mexican neighbor on Isla Mujeres who contracted with a local to paint a “Welcome!” sign for a shop and wound up with “Vienbenidos!” Just transpose the b and the v. That would be correct.
Again. Beh Viktoria - invoking a popular beer might help. Again, she types B. We go on like this for a while and get to the second v in my last name. Veh, Vikoria, I say, introducing an exaggerated vee sound. She types B. Finally, we were set with a little help from m my friend, a charmer.
In relaying this to Carmen, head of housekeeping, the following morning, after listening to embellishments on her stupidity from my very handsome right hand man/friend, she then suggested I try another word in the future. Perhaps beh bruto,.. O beh burro.
Si, pero por beh Victor….the V letter…?
“Dice beh virgin…ah, ella probalimente no sabe virgen…” She probably doesn’t know virgin! “Vigilencia.”
The word for security patrols. Yep. We’ll try that in the future with the morons